7 Foolproof Ways To Spot A Commitment Freak
They’ll fall asleep with their face in their dinner plate if you start talking about future steps in your relationship. They feel uncertain about where they stand solo, let alone with someone.
Ever wonder why some people start to break dates?
Or why they unexpectedly disappear just in time when you’ve fallen head over heels in love with them?
Urban dictionary suggests that you may have met a “commitment freak.”
And if you haven’t been aware, they’re here to break more than a few hearts in their own romance department.
It’s hard to cherry pick them out of the crowd or avoid altogether. They don’t walk around wearing commitment fears upon their sleeve. Instead, they spend much of their inner life in the bondage of freedom.
They can’t help it.
Commitment freaks stroll around you and beside you every single day. They check their dating apps as often as they do their emails throughout the day.
Of course, this is irrelevant when you happen to be seduced by the best lasagna your tongue has ever tasted at the comfort of their own home.
It’s easy to slip and forget the differences over a bottle of red in the romantic candlelight on a Saturday night.
But…
Please, do yourself a favor and do not delude yourself into believing that they’ll transform their molecules just because they met you.
As it turns out, there are personality traits spotted early on – can save you a lot of time, energy, and possibly even your precious heart.
1. Commitment Freaks Are They’re fuzzy on a commitment rules.
They avoid committing to anything – be it Friday night plans with friends, trips that are 2-3 months away, long-term jobs, or obligations. They’re allergic to everything that needs to be scheduled or requires a heavy calendar system.
They make plans as they go and are known to be more spontaneous than the others. They rarely know themselves what they’ll be doing, where they’ll be living or who they’ll be dating six months down the line.
For them committing feels heavy. It’s as if someone puts a forceful metal chain around their tinny ankle preventing from moving.
After all, there’s always something else or someone else that can swipe them off their feet. Therefore, it’s easier to stay free, available so to speak.
2. Commitment Freak Has High expectations from life.
People fearing commitment are not there to settle for less than the best. This doesn’t mean they date the most successful or famous people, yet they certainly would drop existing relationship, may something better come around.
Unfortunately, the view of a genuine relationship through their lens looks like an obstacle that comes between two things they treasure the most – freedom and their independence.
3. Forget happily ever after talks.
They’ll fall asleep with their face in their dinner plate if you start talking about future steps in your relationship. They feel uncertain about where they stand solo, let alone with someone.
Their ever-changing ideas about what future should look like make them unstable and hard to trust.
What’s more, they can’t promise much if they haven’t figured it out on their own. With that said – don’t expect they will give you their heart, as in most cases, they can’t even give a half.
4. Commitment Freaks don’t believe in commitment.
According to statistics, the divorce rate was peaking in 1993; it was only from 2003 that divorce rates began to fall sharply.
Our generation has seen so many divorces that no surprise we are extra cautious tying a knot.
Experiencing divorce leaves significant footprints in our lives. Seeing what our parents went through makes us feeling insecure that this may also happen to us.
Doesn’t mean we will never marry. We will, however, think twice before committing to someone in our lives.
5. Luck of relationship role models.
This isn’t just to say that we should blame the parents for not being able to set an example of a good relationship. In fact, many still grew up in picture-perfect families hiding the reality to the outside world, struggling to keep it healthy.
Or maybe no one around is having a blast with their partners which is also a factor why some will choose to stay away from committed companionship.
6. They don’t believe they are worthy of a good relationship.
Some will find it difficult to accept the fact that things can go well. It’s like they’re wrestling a grizzly bear to survive every day of their adult life.To them, the whole world is a war zone.
It is for this reason, when reality seems better than they have expected, they start digging for dirt.
They are experts at sabotaging a good relationship because even if things are going well in their heads, seeing how others suffer makes them think that there must be something entirely wrong in their lives too. They start desperately seeking what can get worse or how their partner has or is about to wrong them in the future.
7. Blame the timing.
You would think that people fearing commitment would stay away from relationships because let’s face it – why to date if you are scared to be serious?
Here you are wrong. People fearing commitment will not miss out on a human connection. They will go out of their ways to impress you. They’ll share parts they will want you to see and very carefully hide the others.
They will date. They will slowly open up to you. They may even share with you some deepest secrets. They will make your heart race, and just when you think your relationship is developing into something special; they’ll call it quits.
Because this is what they do, every time things could have a potential future.
It scares them off.
The truth is they can’t help it. And it’s rare, that someone can ever change that.
But this too shall pass.
Only when they’ll have enough victories and breakups under their belt, there’s hope.
Only when all games have been played, and all their conquests are finally conquered…there comes a salvation.
Only timing has this magical power to change the freak into someone able to give, love and stay. But that’s because from that moment onwards they have made their ultimate choice. They are ready to give love a chance.
5 Reasons Why You Should Forget Your Ex
Every relationship has it's learning curve. We date people that are emotionally unavailable. We pick partners that have different goals. We meet at a wrong time. We can't work out our differences. We are insecure. They are jealous. We f*** up.
Time passes. Days, weeks, months. Empires rise and fall, and you still remember him.
I get it- we all have a past. We lived and dated a little.
We still vividly remember stormy arguments, sleepless nights, and punches to our bruised hearts. We also recall the good times.
It's difficult to erase the past, and you shouldn't be trying to.
On the other hand, if an inner-peace is what you're after, then perhaps you'll pick up a few ideas that will be useful to you.
You should stop talking about your Ex.
Here is why:
1. There's a reason why things didn't work out.
Every relationship has it's learning curve. We date people that are emotionally unavailable. We pick partners that have different goals. We meet at a wrong time. We can't work out our differences. We are insecure. They are jealous. We f*** up.
Actually, it doesn't matter who does. It doesn't even matter who call it quits. The point is, it didn't work out. There's no need to obsess over something that is no longer present. I know it sounds easy to say, but practically speaking - there's a lid for every pot. Look at it in a way as - Your Ex just wasn't the right lid.
2. Opening ex- file; a true recipe for disaster.
See, women tend to speak more about what concerns them, upsets them or matters to them. If you still think and talk about your Ex, that means that there's part of you not willing to let him go. We all need some time to lick our wounds- and you are allowed to take all the time you need.
It's tempting to talk about past when a bottle of wine is involved, and you have someone's pair of ears to listen. You rush to get it off your chest. You believe that you will feel less hurt...eventually.
You'll finally move on. So you go ahead and drop the bomb on everyone who's there to listen. You speak your heart out- how wrong, sinful or selfish your Ex was. Oh, that feels good. Liberating and empowering.
The thing is, you're not in therapy. Excessively talking about your past relationship will not do any good to you, especially if the listener is your date. Even if he will nod his head as he listens, he also makes mental notes on how much your Ex still matter to you. How you love playing a victim. He will also conclude that you're not ready to invest yourself in a brand new relationship as you're too attached to the old one.
3. Men are sensitive when it comes to your Exes.
If a guy is interested- you will not gain extra points by telling him in detail how good or bad your past relationships were. Even if the guy does ask you: " What's the longest relationship you had?"
He is not expecting to get the whole fifteen-minute background story by the time you finish eating your linguine with clams. He didn't ask that question to find out where and when you two met. Or what went wrong, and why you will never in a million years date the guy who treats you this way.
The less you share, the better off you'll be. No man wants to be compared, analyzed or feel as he needs to compete with your Ex. He also doesn't want to see you overly excited about the times you shared with another man before him.
Like it or not, deep inside all men are territorial, so save the breath and keep all the spicy details to yourself. If you absolutely need to share- tell your girlfriends!
4. You can't move on.
Have you ever catch yourself stalking his social media feed blanked-eyed zombie style?
Are you wondering- how is he doing without you? If so, you're just unnecessarily shaking up the past. Maybe he managed to move on faster than you. Possibly he's already dating someone else. So what? Let the guy be.
Obsessing over a gone relationship is not only unhealthy is also toxic. The sooner you stop this, the quicker you'll feel Zen and happy with what you have. Your memories of former relationship will start fading at the faster pace, and you will finally vibrate on a higher level. That is not only sexy but also very arousing to other men.
You don't have to hate all male souls out there. You have to be mature enough to realize that not all men are the same. Not everyone out there is to get you, to play with you, to possess you and then eat your heart with a fine wine.
5. Give yourself a closure.
There's always this moment when we think- how would my life play out differently?
If I stayed?
If I wasn't left high and dry?
If we didn't go separate ways? If we could work this out?
Some people will never give you closure. You must give it to yourself. The past will always be here to mess with the present. Memories, phone calls, random text messages, Insta likes - these things will still show up. No matter how hard you are trying to forget. All you can do is- to make peace with it. Then you drop it like a hot coal and let it go.
I've traveled far from where I've been.
I no longer want to run around wearing makeup that doesn't survive my tears. I no longer want to leave angry in the middle of the foggy night. I no longer want to fight until one of us wins.
I am happy where I've arrived.
I synced and clicked with someone else. There's no need to lock our horns. No need to leave. No need to prove anything. Just be raw me and be loved anyway. Little by little I learned to reopen up my heart again.
On a final note, I wish you too never lose faith that there is that one person who accepts you as you are. Love you where you are. And just maybe, this time around, this will play out differently because you now know better. And you now in full are ready for love.
xoxo
Kristina
The Unedited Truth About Why You're Failing To Meet 'The One'
We screen, we filter. We exclude what doesn't fit into our lives. Be it this sweet neighbor that likes you, or that girl at work that you'll never be friends with. People come, and you let them go.
They say that in big cities we're always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. We stroll around too busy with no time to waste on things we don't agree with, don't believe in or don't want to deal with.
I was never religiously preaching perfection, but everything I was unintentionally searching for had to feel that way to inner " me."
I was massively weeding out everything and everybody who didn't live up to my expectations. The ever-changing ideas I pinned to my dream board were frequently replaced by newer and fresher experiences I had.
What's next? Where's next? Who's next?
This got me thinking about the way so many of us live.
We screen, we filter. We exclude what doesn't fit into our lives. Be it this sweet neighbor that likes you, or that girl at work that you'll never be friends with. People come, and you let them go.
Because if things don't get delivered in a packaging you ordered, you don't claim it yours. Because if it isn't a flavor, you asked for you say it tastes funny.
Same goes for love. If love doesn't show up wrapped in all fancy, we fail to recognize it.
For instance, I know many women that are searching for the perfect guy. They haven't met him in person but they sure saw his profile someplace in the social media.
Sounds familiar?
And then you meet a guy who's funny, friendly and has personality to die for. You can't stop laughing at his jokes. His energy is infectious. Being around him leaves you magnetic. Your heart is overflowing with joy. Your instinct will even tell you may have found a soulmate without believing that such a thing exists. You feel adventurous, energized. You feel like you are sent to seventh heaven.
Except...he isn't as hot as you would like him to be. He never went to university, and despite working hard on his startup, he hasn't made his first million by the time he met you.
Hmmm well, that's too bad you think. Your family/friends are not going to be impressed. After all, you were looking for an intellectual match because you worked hard for your great education. You won't be taking too many spontaneous trips to the tropical lands because he's always working. You're clearly not going to move to the penthouse suite with a panoramic view anytime soon.
Apart from that... you feel the way you always wanted to feel. Being around him lights you on fire. Your entire body is vibrating in a feel-good mode. There's love, passion, and butterflies. Everything you always wanted.
That's the thing about feelings; they nudge you towards what's right and what's wrong. In other words, it's not the goals you're chasing; it's the feelings they will bring you (even if the logistics of your vision aren't matching up. )
I used to be so focused on what I wanted that I was blindsided towards how I wanted to feel in the presence of the guy.
You can't plan everything. Life's pretty random. Not everything is meant to work out the way you think you want it.
Meaning, life may not roll out red carpet under your perfectly pedicured toes. You may not meet someone on the night out when you're all dolled up. In fact, most likely this will happen in the place you least expect ( if you need a visual, you're wearing a hoodie while buying your eggs on a Sunday morning.)
This isn't about settling less for what you damn well deserve.
This isn't about compromise. If anything, this is about the expanding. Opening yourself to endless possibilities of love, adventure, and fun that's beyond your wildest imagination. Don't think of what you're loosing. Think of what you're gaining. Love. Passion. Butterflies. Future.
xoxo
Kristina