5 Reasons Why You Should Forget Your Ex
Every relationship has it's learning curve. We date people that are emotionally unavailable. We pick partners that have different goals. We meet at a wrong time. We can't work out our differences. We are insecure. They are jealous. We f*** up.
Time passes. Days, weeks, months. Empires rise and fall, and you still remember him.
I get it- we all have a past. We lived and dated a little.
We still vividly remember stormy arguments, sleepless nights, and punches to our bruised hearts. We also recall the good times.
It's difficult to erase the past, and you shouldn't be trying to.
On the other hand, if an inner-peace is what you're after, then perhaps you'll pick up a few ideas that will be useful to you.
You should stop talking about your Ex.
Here is why:
1. There's a reason why things didn't work out.
Every relationship has it's learning curve. We date people that are emotionally unavailable. We pick partners that have different goals. We meet at a wrong time. We can't work out our differences. We are insecure. They are jealous. We f*** up.
Actually, it doesn't matter who does. It doesn't even matter who call it quits. The point is, it didn't work out. There's no need to obsess over something that is no longer present. I know it sounds easy to say, but practically speaking - there's a lid for every pot. Look at it in a way as - Your Ex just wasn't the right lid.
2. Opening ex- file; a true recipe for disaster.
See, women tend to speak more about what concerns them, upsets them or matters to them. If you still think and talk about your Ex, that means that there's part of you not willing to let him go. We all need some time to lick our wounds- and you are allowed to take all the time you need.
It's tempting to talk about past when a bottle of wine is involved, and you have someone's pair of ears to listen. You rush to get it off your chest. You believe that you will feel less hurt...eventually.
You'll finally move on. So you go ahead and drop the bomb on everyone who's there to listen. You speak your heart out- how wrong, sinful or selfish your Ex was. Oh, that feels good. Liberating and empowering.
The thing is, you're not in therapy. Excessively talking about your past relationship will not do any good to you, especially if the listener is your date. Even if he will nod his head as he listens, he also makes mental notes on how much your Ex still matter to you. How you love playing a victim. He will also conclude that you're not ready to invest yourself in a brand new relationship as you're too attached to the old one.
3. Men are sensitive when it comes to your Exes.
If a guy is interested- you will not gain extra points by telling him in detail how good or bad your past relationships were. Even if the guy does ask you: " What's the longest relationship you had?"
He is not expecting to get the whole fifteen-minute background story by the time you finish eating your linguine with clams. He didn't ask that question to find out where and when you two met. Or what went wrong, and why you will never in a million years date the guy who treats you this way.
The less you share, the better off you'll be. No man wants to be compared, analyzed or feel as he needs to compete with your Ex. He also doesn't want to see you overly excited about the times you shared with another man before him.
Like it or not, deep inside all men are territorial, so save the breath and keep all the spicy details to yourself. If you absolutely need to share- tell your girlfriends!
4. You can't move on.
Have you ever catch yourself stalking his social media feed blanked-eyed zombie style?
Are you wondering- how is he doing without you? If so, you're just unnecessarily shaking up the past. Maybe he managed to move on faster than you. Possibly he's already dating someone else. So what? Let the guy be.
Obsessing over a gone relationship is not only unhealthy is also toxic. The sooner you stop this, the quicker you'll feel Zen and happy with what you have. Your memories of former relationship will start fading at the faster pace, and you will finally vibrate on a higher level. That is not only sexy but also very arousing to other men.
You don't have to hate all male souls out there. You have to be mature enough to realize that not all men are the same. Not everyone out there is to get you, to play with you, to possess you and then eat your heart with a fine wine.
5. Give yourself a closure.
There's always this moment when we think- how would my life play out differently?
If I stayed?
If I wasn't left high and dry?
If we didn't go separate ways? If we could work this out?
Some people will never give you closure. You must give it to yourself. The past will always be here to mess with the present. Memories, phone calls, random text messages, Insta likes - these things will still show up. No matter how hard you are trying to forget. All you can do is- to make peace with it. Then you drop it like a hot coal and let it go.
I've traveled far from where I've been.
I no longer want to run around wearing makeup that doesn't survive my tears. I no longer want to leave angry in the middle of the foggy night. I no longer want to fight until one of us wins.
I am happy where I've arrived.
I synced and clicked with someone else. There's no need to lock our horns. No need to leave. No need to prove anything. Just be raw me and be loved anyway. Little by little I learned to reopen up my heart again.
On a final note, I wish you too never lose faith that there is that one person who accepts you as you are. Love you where you are. And just maybe, this time around, this will play out differently because you now know better. And you now in full are ready for love.
xoxo
Kristina
5 Secrets To A Successful First Date
I don't mean you have to start watching the news every morning or learn the names of the companies that just went IPO. You don't even need to learn the stock market's fluctuations. You only need to show that you have something to share which will want him to hear and see you more.
We all have that one friend whose success rate with men quadruples ours. She's sharp yet sexy. Warm yet distant. And the worse thing- she isn't even trying too hard! Face-to-face conversations, phone calls, texting - come easy- breezy natural to her.
What's her secret?
It could be some cosmic energy or her natural talent pulling men towards her. Or she's just fortunate to meet men that happen to be magnetic to her. Either way, she does something many women forget.
She's been that girl with a racing heart, sweaty hands, and tongue-tied feeling without having an idea what to say next or even how to respond to the simple questions guy asks. She then stepped up her game if she was ever to land a guy she liked.
If you ever find yourself asking: "Will he call me again?" then one of the following tips could be at hand.
How do I know?
For the reason that you'll be able to show up as someone sharp yet sexy. Warm yet distant.
1. You have to be approachable and relatable.
I get it; you already take an excellent care of yourself - frizzy bubble baths, refreshing mint showers, painful wax sessions, expensive perfumes, etc.
Men are highly visual, and yet, you all dolled up will mean nothing if you two are incompatible to hold an impactful conversation together.
Because no matter how nicely you wrap yourself up, your efforts will measure up to zero without finding subjects to discuss, share opinions and have fun along the way.
I hear men continually complaining how boring the girl they went on a date was. I heard expressions like: " beautiful but dull. "
"If I could just hang her on the wall and look at her. "
And then there would be a phrase like this:
"I didn't feel proud being seen with her. Not to mention- introduce her to my friends. "
( very mean, right?)
I don't mean you have to start watching the news every morning or learn the names of the companies that just went IPO. You don't even need to learn the stock market's fluctuations. You only need to show that you have something to share which will want him to hear and see you more.
Preferably you've got a sense of humor too, and don't get upset at a joke he makes. I've seen women that take stuff so personally that instead of laughing or asking for clarification on the joke, they get upset. That is so unnecessary and serves as a significant turnoff to the guy.
2. Give smiles; they're free.
No one wants to have even a fifteen-minute coffee with a girl that left her smile at home, let alone sit through a three-meal dinner. World's already too serious. A friendly face can do miracles when it comes to those first dates.
So let's put on our good mood tiaras and show up all happy and excited about life. This doesn't mean you have to pose and smile non-stop (as if you're so proud of your dentist's work who so spotlessly whitened your teeth. ) This just means you're generous enough to give smiles from time to time, so the guy doesn't mistake you for an emotion-free calculating machine.
3. Have a life.
This is so important, you guys!
Men love to see women that are genuinely in love with their living. You've got talents, interests, hobbies and you're not going to give up your gym membership, girls night out or call in sick so that you could spend more time with the guy.
If he sees you happy you automatically vibrate on a higher level than those other girls that caught his eye. You energy, aura, whatever you name it- becomes magnetic. This energy makes him want more of you and your time.
I am not saying you must be perfect. I don't believe in perfect.
All I am saying is to position yourself in a way that you will be Okay without him too. That you don't need him to make your life exciting. You already have that part figured out. You just want someone to share your fantastic life with!
Needless to say, men hate the pressure. Any signals of you being clingy, sticky, and bored with yourself will be perceived as red flags.
I hate to say this, but any vibes where you're demanding too much of his attention and time- will be withdrawn from your account.
I don't mean you need to distract yourself from checking your phone and pretend you too busy so you won't text back the second he does. I'm simply stating that advantage of living in cosmopolitan cities give us an opprtunity to keep ourselves busy nearly 24/7.
Plus, his heart will pulsate so much faster when you do give him space to miss you. He will then see that you have no interest in taking his life away from him. Instead, he will focus on a value you could potentially add to his.
4. Men only value things they work for.
Men love a mental challenge. They love it even more if a woman they're attracted to gives them that trigger. So don't be shy to challenge him. Even if you hate playing games- just know this one is probably the only game you'll ever need to play if you play your cards right ( just this one time.)
In the early stage of dating, men will always try to push your boundaries and see just how far they can push. Meaning they'll ask for crazy, wild, sometimes even inappropriate things, and see how you respond to their requests.
They will ask for your '' sexy'' pictures. They'll ask you to join them for a night cup at their place( with an excuse of getting you an Uber home.) And here's the thing - clearly guy wants to have sex with you. However, if by this point you have "hooked" him with your personality, energy or aura, he will not die if you don't send him that picture. He will not give up on you if you don't go home with him first few times, I promise! If he vanishes right after that, that's the red flag to you. Meaning...he wasn't that much into you in a first place.
This is all to say, more time he is willing to invest in you, the grander chance of him being head over heels for you. Isn't this the goal after all?
5. Be authentic.
For a sake to be liked in first few dates we often play a bit pretending to be something we are not. ( By the way, men do the same.) It's understandable we want to leave good first impressions, appear cool so to speak.
I don't think there is a need to fake anything as it will filter through sooner or later.
If you take anything from this post then is this - be yourself. There's the only one of a kind you on this planet. Don't be afraid to be a bit raw, vulnerable and most importantly- original.
I may know next to nothing about you, but I am pretty sure that
" the right" man will wholeheartedly fall in love with that something special that only you have.
xoxo
Kristina