5 True-Hearted Signs You Finally A Grown Up

You will get hurt. Shattered- guaranteed. 

For starters, I thought growing up sucks. 

Because you crawl through the world like a newly born kitten with your eyes half closed lacking clarity, direction or often common sense, all while pretending you've got stuff figured out. 

There are times you'll walk through the darkest alleys. But there's almost always a light on the other side. Because even the darkest hour of your life will only last an hour.

 As a standard life in our twenties feels as though we have problems that we are incapable of ever solving. Doors will not always open. Roadmaps will not be given. 

And for the most of us out there, it takes twists and turns and often detours to arrive someplace meaningful. 

But no matter how hard battles you have to fight, you always get through. Universal truth. 

You'll travel far from where you've been, and you'll feel this in your bones... the feeling of arrival. 
 
The idea of next, next, next - always next will longer seem relevant. 

Because...

Time has this magical ability to turn things around and show you what's up. Things will start falling into place and here's how:

1. You become a grown up when You start choosing yourself.

Is when you no longer allow others to make choices for you or instead of you. You take on full responsibility for everything related to you - your love life, work life, finances, career, well being, health, intentions, and goals. 

You acknowledge your value.

You no longer clap like the happiest seal at the zoo when someone throws you a bone. 

No thanks. 
You demand a whole juicy steak. (And it better come with a side and a heart-attack introducing dessert.)

You learn to turn down things that drain your energy, please others and put your dreams on hold. Because destiny is not matter of luck; it's a matter of choice. Anything and anybody that delays you from your dreams has to go. 

Choosing yourself is a difficult one, but I promise, is one of the most top-level choices you'll ever make.

2. You are enough all by yourself when you become a grown up.

 You worked on yourself. Healed your own heart. Discovered who you are alone and what your goals are. 

 Riding solo may seem lonely at first, but how on Earth are you planning to arrive anywhere without being able to ride on your own?

3. You stopped apologizing for your past as A Grown Up.

You dropped guilt about everything and everybody that you wronged in the past. Or how you should have done things 360 degrees different. 

Only when you become capable of unlearning what you knew from the past, you become free of it. The story of who you are and who you aren't. What you can or cannot do. 
 

4. Opinions of others no longer bother you. 

You don't have to blaze through the wall and prove your points as long as everyone gets it.

 Everyone is entitled to have their own beliefs and therefore their own opinions. Be it your colleague at work, your boss or your own family. We may relate to some and completely disagree with others. 

And that's Okay.

Organically you'll start to feel at peace with yourself and those around you. You'll no longer be trying to recast the molecules of others. You'll learn to accept the differences despite the fact that you won't always be on the same page. 

 We can all still come from different places possessing contrasting beliefs, and live happily ever after under one roof without going to wars with each other. 

5. When you have defined your values and priorities.

You know what is important to you and you know why. You no longer find it difficult to make a list of things that are most important to you. 

 As time goes by, your values change. The descending order change. Maybe freedom is replaced by love. Maybe an adventure is replaced by safety. Perhaps some priorities have lost the crown to be nominated to your list.

 And that's all right. 

As we grow, we evolve, and I believe, no human being should ever remain the same. I don't want ever to think I have arrived because this would mean I would stop growing. And as long as I live, I will always be evolving. 

The truth is – you will only feel grown up when you’ve dipped your toes and the entire body in everything you once wanted, and you have made tons of mistakes that made you a better person today.

Until then you should try yourself in every possible aspect of life. Do whatever causes a revolution in your heart. Live unapologetically. Follow your curiosity. Trust your heart. Be a geyser of energy. 

And as you do that, have faith in the world. It always has your back, even in the moments when nothing makes sense. Always remember: there's always light on the other end. We all get there...sooner or later. 

Until then, happy learning!

7 Foolproof Ways To Spot A Commitment Freak

Ever wonder why some people start to break dates?

Or why they unexpectedly disappear just in time when you’ve fallen head over heels in love with them?

Urban dictionary suggests that you may have met a “commitment freak.”

And if you haven’t been aware, they’re here to break more than a few hearts in their own romance department.

It’s hard to cherry pick them out of the crowd or avoid altogether. They don’t walk around wearing commitment fears upon their sleeve. Instead, they spend much of their inner life in the bondage of freedom.

They can’t help it.

Commitment freaks stroll around you and beside you every single day. They check their dating apps as often as they do their emails throughout the day.

Of course, this is irrelevant when you happen to be seduced by the best lasagna your tongue has ever tasted at the comfort of their own home.

It’s easy to slip and forget the differences over a bottle of red in the romantic candlelight on a Saturday night.

But…

Please, do yourself a favor and do not delude yourself into believing that they’ll transform their molecules just because they met you.

As it turns out, there are personality traits spotted early on – can save you a lot of time, energy, and possibly even your precious heart.

 

1. Commitment Freaks Are They’re fuzzy on a commitment rules.

They avoid committing to anything – be it Friday night plans with friends, trips that are 2-3 months away, long-term jobs, or obligations. They’re allergic to everything that needs to be scheduled or requires a heavy calendar system.

They make plans as they go and are known to be more spontaneous than the others. They rarely know themselves what they’ll be doing, where they’ll be living or who they’ll be dating six months down the line.

For them committing feels heavy. It’s as if someone puts a forceful metal chain around their tinny ankle preventing from moving.

After all, there’s always something else or someone else that can swipe them off their feet. Therefore, it’s easier to stay free, available so to speak.

 

2. Commitment Freak Has High expectations from life.

People fearing commitment are not there to settle for less than the best. This doesn’t mean they date the most successful or famous people, yet they certainly would drop existing relationship, may something better come around.

Unfortunately, the view of a genuine relationship through their lens looks like an obstacle that comes between two things they treasure the most – freedom and their independence.

 

3. Forget happily ever after talks.

They’ll fall asleep with their face in their dinner plate if you start talking about future steps in your relationship. They feel uncertain about where they stand solo, let alone with someone.

Their ever-changing ideas about what future should look like make them unstable and hard to trust.

What’s more, they can’t promise much if they haven’t figured it out on their own. With that said – don’t expect they will give you their heart, as in most cases, they can’t even give a half.

 

4. Commitment Freaks don’t believe in commitment.

According to statistics, the divorce rate was peaking in 1993; it was only from 2003 that divorce rates began to fall sharply.

Our generation has seen so many divorces that no surprise we are extra cautious tying a knot.

Experiencing divorce leaves significant footprints in our lives. Seeing what our parents went through makes us feeling insecure that this may also happen to us.

Doesn’t mean we will never marry. We will, however, think twice before committing to someone in our lives.

5. Luck of relationship role models.

This isn’t just to say that we should blame the parents for not being able to set an example of a good relationship. In fact, many still grew up in picture-perfect families hiding the reality to the outside world, struggling to keep it healthy.

Or maybe no one around is having a blast with their partners which is also a factor why some will choose to stay away from committed companionship.

 

6. They don’t believe they are worthy of a good relationship.

Some will find it difficult to accept the fact that things can go well. It’s like they’re wrestling a grizzly bear to survive every day of their adult life.To them, the whole world is a war zone.

It is for this reason, when reality seems better than they have expected, they start digging for dirt.

They are experts at sabotaging a good relationship because even if things are going well in their heads, seeing how others suffer makes them think that there must be something entirely wrong in their lives too. They start desperately seeking what can get worse or how their partner has or is about to wrong them in the future.

 

7. Blame the timing.

You would think that people fearing commitment would stay away from relationships because let’s face it – why to date if you are scared to be serious?

Here you are wrong. People fearing commitment will not miss out on a human connection. They will go out of their ways to impress you. They’ll share parts they will want you to see and very carefully hide the others.

They will date. They will slowly open up to you. They may even share with you some deepest secrets. They will make your heart race, and just when you think your relationship is developing into something special; they’ll call it quits.

Because this is what they do, every time things could have a potential future.

It scares them off.

The truth is they can’t help it. And it’s rare, that someone can ever change that.

But this too shall pass.

Only when they’ll have enough victories and breakups under their belt, there’s hope.

Only when all games have been played, and all their conquests are finally conquered…there comes a salvation.

Only timing has this magical power to change the freak into someone able to give, love and stay. But that’s because from that moment onwards they have made their ultimate choice. They are ready to give love a chance.

8 Key Things No One Tells You About Living Abroad

Here's what I did for my twenties, rather than following a traditional path, I've done things that don't fit in the "conventional" sense. I spent more than a decade in five vibrantly contrasting countries on two opposite continents that taught me a little bit of something. 

 

1. Searching For A Place You Belong Is A Delusional Activity. 

Like many others, I was in a desperate need to find a place I belonged. Sadly or luckily, it wasn't at home.
It's like I was poking a soapy bubble suspiciously wanting to find out what's on the other side. None of us can know such thing. But I knew for sure; I wasn't afraid to face it. For all I cared, I could have been slapped in the face with a dead fish, got sold into slavery, or lived alone on an inhabited island making necklaces out of the seashells.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one poking. There were the others.  They also were in search of something. Home– was a futuristic place they were yet to find. I don't know who on Earth would promise that they'll ever will?

 

2. You Don’t Go Abroad To Find Home. 

There isn't a piece of land where you could land your feet, and in an instant feel at home. The truth is, you'll never be the next Columbus, and you'll never find this place- because it doesn't exist. 

You go abroad to open your eyes wide open and learn the things that not in a million years you would have learned back home. There you test your abilities, expand your capacities, quadruple your experiences, and slowly but steadily change your identity. 

By doing so, you start building a firmer ground underneath. Without ever having a solid ground, the world will always seem a shaky, scary and fearful place to live. Once that's in place, you build your residence or at least a wobbly nest to start with. 

 

3. You Don't Stop Being A Tourist Overnight Living Abroad.

Keyword there: forever tourist. 

You don't just wake up from a bad dream, roll your bed and feel at home in the new country. 
It takes time, patience and a willing heart. 
You must stop searching, obsessing and looking for evidence that you somehow don't fit in, that you're too foreign, and that others have no clue what price you've paid to get here. Because you will always find that evidence. And strangers don't care what you had to give up to be here.

 

4. Living Anywhere But Home Isn’t Walking On Marshmallows. 

On bad days, you may bruise your delicate ego. It may take some leaps and gambles. You'll question your decisions. You'll feel lonely. You may even want to drop a tear or two. But the world won't end because of that.

Eventually, you wrap your mind around this reality: Your life is much more elastic than you thought it is. You learn who you are and who you aren't. You find out who you want to be and who you no longer need to be.

Every day presents an opportunity to expand your Universe. Every minute spent outside of everything familiar - gives you a fresh perspective, unshakable confidence, and wisdom that you would never acquire if you've chosen the safe, predictable path back home. 

 

5. The World Becomes The Best Tutor That You'll Ever Hire when You Living Abroad.

You can go to the best schools, you can have the most excellent teachers, but no one will ever teach you more than a foreign country will ever do. (Please note that I am not against higher education by any means; I've got one too.)

All I'm saying is that whatever you experience becomes a part of who you are. Whatever you see, do or hear leaves footprints in your life. You become the total sum of your experiences that are beyond the academic education. 

 

6. You No Longer Remain The Same. 

And then, a year, two, five go by, and you wake up on a regular day finding yourself a different self. You board the plane and go home 12+ hours away. You land your feet on the ground you once knew so well. The air seems familiar. You could still walk through streets hands and eyes tied up if you had to. 

You spend a day there. Then another day. You meet everyone you haven't seen in a while. You pour your heart out and share everything you learned away from home. Feels nice.

Except...something no longer feels right.  

For them, life hasn't changed much. Maybe they got a pair of babies you've already seen on Facebook. Perhaps they moved to a bigger home. Maybe a friend of a friend is getting a divorce. 

You understand where they're coming from and what they're saying, but you no longer feel like there's anything but past bounding you.  But for the most part, you realize that time has a funny quality; it can draw people closer the same way it drives them apart. 

 

7. You'll Have A Chance To Change Your Life For Good.

Like a sponge, you'll suck up vast amounts of cultural information wherever you'll go. Your ways will change. You'll have the power to choose how to live, act, love, talk, eat or spend your money just the way you want to. It doesn't have to be black or white. It doesn't need to be the way you were always taught.  

With all due respect and affection to my upbringing, seeing how others live has forever changed my life. And being fortunate enough to experience such things allowed me to designed my life better than I would have ever imagined. 

 

8. You'll Place Your Highest Bet, Your Life On The Table.

Most of all, though,  I've seen what's possible when you step out of the bubble. When there are no guarantees, promises or certainty about anything. When the only thing you strongly rely on is your curious heart. 

As it turned out, while I was busy doing me, I somehow managed to build a nest I was talking about earlier. 

True story. 

And at the end of my days, I know I will thank my curiosity, wild heart, and taste for wanderlust for having blessed me with a captivating, stimulating and passionate existence.

This is why I wish you to live with all your heart, because - I promise - if you put the fears apart and follow your fascinations, desires heart whispers, you just might get lucky enough some random morning to find the place that feels just right. 

 

Your Ex Was Meant To Hurt You And Here's Why

One Sunday morning, I decided to chill wearing nothing but PJs. The scene: I'm slowly sipping my low-fat Cappuccino and dreaming of Eggs Benedict with salmon. Ed Sheeran on the speakers. Hangover and makeup-free I'm feeling blessed for whatever there is to be grateful for on a day like this. 

My gratefulness didn't last for long when loudly-buzzing, vibrating sound of my iPhone managed to disturb my vibe. Within seconds I imagine my boyfriend, mother or best friend calling to find out the latest news about my Saturday night. 

What?! Are you kidding me? 

My heart starts to race as I let it ring for some more. I feel massive thunderstorm is about to strike inside of me. I get up, clear my throat, and try to act imaginary calm. 

" Hello," I said.

On the other line was my ex. We haven't talked to each other for at least eight months. Even then, it wasn't the most enticing conversation either. 

He's been drinking…dah! 

 Usually, it's a sober noon for me, and somewhere after midnight for him. Although there's more than just an ocean that separates us now,  I sometimes wondered how he is, but I never bothered to text or call. 

What's the point to shake up the past? 
He must be dating someone. Life is probably good for him. 

And just when you feel at ease and happy with what you have, when your memories of your former relationship start fading at the faster pace- he calls.

How mental is that?

I don't open my ex-file anymore; it wasn't always this way.

When scars were fresh, and everything that happened seemed like yesterday, words were just uninvitedly pouring out of my mouth.  
 I would tell everyone how disturbing, crazy, and in so many ways toxic our relationship was. I would paint the picture of this terribly bad guy to whoever was ready to listen. And me, this never wrong girl.

Oh, that felt good. Liberating and empowering. 

You don't realize how difficult it is to stuff one's life of six years into a suitcase. You can't picture what it means holding a one-way ticket home. You can't imagine how lonely, unprotected and foreign it feels to do it again. And no matter how many times before I have moved, it doesn't get easier. 

Above all, I looked like I had it together. I appeared stronger than I was, and at the same time, I felt so stunningly fragile. I looked like I'm empowered with superpowers to accomplish new beginnings while I quietly retired the " painful " side of my life.

 Since then, I was slowly sewing my ripped wide open heart together again. 

Starting from the scratch takes a lot of courage, willpower and inner strength. Pulling yourself up from the ground when you've been mentally knocked down means internal growth. And so, day by day, one step at the time, I grew stronger.

I didn't hate all male souls out there. I was mature enough to realize that not all men are the same. Not everyone out there is to get you, to play you, to possess you, and then eat your heart with a fine wine. 

You guys, did I hate him that much?

No. He was a great man. Twisted and bruised in his ways. He gave his all.

 I was expecting things he wasn't ready to give. He wasn't ready to let me go. Our personalities clashed. We didn't get each other. We weren't on the same page. Guess we never could figure it out. 

Until one day my patience wore thin. I had enough of my dramas, waiting and hoping our relationship would change. Because there possibly couldn't be a good ending to this. So I packed my bags.

It's been long enough to lick my wounds- three years to be exact. 
And to this day I get nervous when he calls. We instantly pick up right where we left off – being at each other's throats. 

There was no peace when stormy arguments, sleepless nights, and punches to our bruised hearts was our " normal."  We never agreed on what went wrong. He often thought I had a cactus where my heart should be. I thought he was too possessive, demanding, too everything. And the stories...the stories we told to the world were insanely different.

He thought I'd come back one day more mature and ready for the commitment. He hoped I'd become the woman he tried so hard to make out of me. Maybe this is why he's never given me a closure till date. 

This got me thinking; some people will never give you closure. You must grant it to yourself. The past will always be here to mess with the present. Memories, phone calls, random text messages, Instagram likes - these things will still show up. All you can do is to make peace with it, unleash what's holding you back, and let it go. 

We often wonder- what if things played out differently?  If we stayed? If we didn't go separate ways? If we could work out our differences?

I've traveled far from where I've been. 

I no longer want to run around wearing makeup that doesn't survive tears. I no longer want to leave angry in the middle of the foggy night. I no longer want to fight until one of us wins. 

I am happy where I've arrived. And just like that, my break- up turned out to be a breakthrough.

This season is about blissful zen. I synced and clicked with a man I met.  There's no need to lock our horns. No need to leave. No need to prove anything. Just be raw me and be loved anyway.  Little by little I learned to open up my heart again. 

Above all never lose faith that there's that one person that can accept you for who you are. Love you where you are. And just maybe this time around you'll come closer to meeting 'The One.'

F*** Goals. Set Intentions

In an age in which most people seem to measure their own worth by how overworked they are - there's little or no time to talk about the feelings. Sadly, this is why we feel as we could have been, done and achieved so much more by the end of yet another New Years Eve.

The New Year tends to fill our wild hearts with ambitions, new ideas and promises we rarely keep to our own selves six months down the line.

What makes you think that this or next year will be any different? 

Are we that bad, lazy or not trustworthy? 

Or is it that our personal plans simply suck? 

 There is nothing wrong with our goals. It's the way we set those goals is what causes stress, disappointment, or feeling like a failure when we don't achieve things we swore we would.

To me focusing on concrete goals I aim to achieve feels so pushed, forced and pressured in a way. My brain literally feels like a scrambled eggs just by thinking about all of this!

Make more money by so and so month. Get that promotion. Lose that weight. Tick those travels off my bucket list. Meet the love of my life. 

 I knew there must be another way to go about this. 

Good news is - there is!

A post shared by KRISTINA RAZINSKA✨ (@kristina_razinska) on Dec 24, 2017 at 8:03am PST

What if this year you stopped focussing on internal goals (to-do lists, bucket lists, mathematical plans?) All of which happens outside yourself anyway. 

 Because have you ever experienced anything outside of yourself? (worry, stress, pain, and pleasure?)

I personally know of no such person. Because everything you'll ever experience happens inside of you.

So how would you like to feel? 

 In other words, how would you want to experience everything on the inside? 

More freedom! 
Love. Passion. 
Feeling fresh, rich, sexy, creative, appreciated. 

As I started to shift focus on how I wanted to feel, magic happened.  I felt a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

When instead of focusing on unexciting goals that felt like chores, I started to think how much more energized, happy, alive, loved I wanted to feel- I started to find refreshing ways to feel just that.
 Is that simple!

In a nutshell, when you get clear on how you want to feel you will have a new way to make things rolling in your life. 

Here is why:

By doing so, the whole Universe starts expanding. You will intentionally seek how to create those feelings for yourself. You might surprise yourself with some new choices. Starting from what gets to be put on your body, what goes inside your body, the people you hang out with, the gifts you give and receive, the thoughts you allow to stay in your mind. 

When you know what feelings you're after, you may see yourself going after different things, and you may be going after them in a way you haven't done before. How do you want to feel when you leave your bed each morning? How would you like to feel when you look at your calendar for the week/month? When you wear your outfit for the day? When you walk in your workplace? When your phone rings? When you get paid? When you finish that project you've been working on? When you complete that thing, make that money, or fall in love?

With that in mind, if you stay truthfully loyal to your feelings, you'll never be lost again. You'll be able to pull off that dusty curtain and clearly see how to live boldly.  You'll start making more empowered choices. You'll not end up in the places, relationships or situations that don't bring you feelings your heart desires the most. 

Trust your heart. It knows what'sup. Just as it knows which pair to pick when you are shopping for shoes, same goes which way to go, what answer to give. 

Live passionately and never lose sight of how you want to feel. Heading towards your feel-good feelings will revolutionize the way you experience life.

Best of luck, 
Kristina

xoxo

5 Reasons Why You Should Forget Your Ex

Time passes. Days, weeks, months. Empires rise and fall, and you still remember him.

I get it- we all have a past. We lived and dated a little. 
We still vividly remember stormy arguments, sleepless nights, and punches to our bruised hearts. We also recall the good times. 

 It's difficult to erase the past, and you shouldn't be trying to. 
On the other hand, if an inner-peace is what you're after, then perhaps you'll pick up a few ideas that will be useful to you.

You should stop talking about your Ex. 

Here is why:

1. There's a reason why things didn't work out. 

Every relationship has it's learning curve. We date people that are emotionally unavailable. We pick partners that have different goals. We meet at a wrong time. We can't work out our differences. We are insecure. They are jealous. We f*** up. 

Actually, it doesn't matter who does. It doesn't even matter who call it quits. The point is, it didn't work out. There's no need to obsess over something that is no longer present. I know it sounds easy to say, but practically speaking - there's a lid for every pot. Look at it in a way as - Your Ex just wasn't the right lid. 

2. Opening ex- file; a true recipe for disaster.

See, women tend to speak more about what concerns them, upsets them or matters to them. If you still think and talk about your Ex, that means that there's part of you not willing to let him go. We all need some time to lick our wounds- and you are allowed to take all the time you need. 

 It's tempting to talk about past when a bottle of wine is involved, and you have someone's pair of ears to listen. You rush to get it off your chest. You believe that you will feel less hurt...eventually.
 You'll finally move on. So you go ahead and drop the bomb on everyone who's there to listen. You speak your heart out- how wrong, sinful or selfish your Ex was.  Oh, that feels good. Liberating and empowering. 

The thing is, you're not in therapy. Excessively talking about your past relationship will not do any good to you, especially if the listener is your date. Even if he will nod his head as he listens, he also makes mental notes on how much your Ex still matter to you.  How you love playing a victim. He will also conclude that you're not ready to invest yourself in a brand new relationship as you're too attached to the old one.  

3. Men are sensitive when it comes to your Exes.

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A post shared by KRISTINA RAZINSKA✨ (@kristina_razinska) on Jan 4, 2018 at 9:03am PST

If a guy is interested- you will not gain extra points by telling him in detail how good or bad your past relationships were. Even if the guy does ask you: " What's the longest relationship you had?"

He is not expecting to get the whole fifteen-minute background story by the time you finish eating your linguine with clams. He didn't ask that question to find out where and when you two met. Or what went wrong, and why you will never in a million years date the guy who treats you this way. 

The less you share, the better off you'll be. No man wants to be compared, analyzed or feel as he needs to compete with your Ex. He also doesn't want to see you overly excited about the times you shared with another man before him. 

Like it or not, deep inside all men are territorial, so save the breath and keep all the spicy details to yourself. If you absolutely need to share- tell your girlfriends!

4. You can't move on.

Have you ever catch yourself stalking his social media feed blanked-eyed zombie style?

Are you wondering- how is he doing without you? If so,  you're just unnecessarily shaking up the past.  Maybe he managed to move on faster than you. Possibly he's already dating someone else. So what? Let the guy be. 

Obsessing over a gone relationship is not only unhealthy is also toxic. The sooner you stop this, the quicker you'll  feel Zen and happy with what you have. Your memories of former relationship will start fading at the faster pace, and you will finally vibrate on a higher level.  That is not only sexy but also very arousing to other men. 

You don't have to hate all male souls out there. You have to be mature enough to realize that not all men are the same. Not everyone out there is to get you, to play with you, to possess you and then eat your heart with a fine wine. 

5. Give yourself a closure.

There's always this moment when we think- how would my life play out differently?  
If I stayed? 
If I wasn't left high and dry? 
If we didn't go separate ways? If we could work this out?

Some people will never give you closure. You must give it to yourself. The past will always be here to mess with the present. Memories, phone calls, random text messages, Insta likes - these things will still show up. No matter how hard you are trying to forget. All you can do is- to make peace with it. Then you drop it like a hot coal and let it go. 

I've traveled far from where I've been. 

I no longer want to run around wearing makeup that doesn't survive my tears. I no longer want to leave angry in the middle of the foggy night. I no longer want to fight until one of us wins. 

I am happy where I've arrived. 

I synced and clicked with someone else.  There's no need to lock our horns. No need to leave. No need to prove anything. Just be raw me and be loved anyway.  Little by little I learned to reopen up my heart again. 

On a final note, I wish you too never lose faith that there is that one person who accepts you as you are. Love you where you are. And just maybe, this time around, this will play out differently because you now know better. And you now in full are ready for love.

xoxo

Kristina

The Unedited Truth About Why You're Failing To Meet 'The One'

They say that in big cities we're always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment. We stroll around too busy with no time to waste on things we don't agree with, don't believe in or don't want to deal with. 

I was never religiously preaching perfection, but everything I was unintentionally searching for had to feel that way to inner " me."

 I was massively weeding out everything and everybody who didn't live up to my expectations. The ever-changing ideas I pinned to my dream board were frequently replaced by newer and fresher experiences I had. 

What's next? Where's next? Who's next? 

This got me thinking about the way so many of us live.

We screen, we filter. We exclude what doesn't fit into our lives. Be it this sweet neighbor that likes you, or that girl at work that you'll never be friends with. People come, and you let them go.

Because if things don't get delivered in a packaging you ordered, you don't claim it yours. Because if it isn't a flavor, you asked for you say it tastes funny.

Same goes for love.  If love doesn't show up wrapped in all fancy, we fail to recognize it. 

For instance, I know many women that are searching for the perfect guy. They haven't met him in person but they sure saw his profile someplace in the social media.

Sounds familiar?

And then you meet a guy who's funny, friendly and has personality to die for. You can't stop laughing at his jokes. His energy is infectious. Being around him leaves you magnetic. Your heart is overflowing with joy.  Your instinct will even tell you may have found a soulmate without believing that such a thing exists. You feel adventurous, energized. You feel like you are sent to seventh heaven.

Except...he isn't as hot as you would like him to be. He never went to university, and despite working hard on his startup, he hasn't made his first million by the time he met you. 

Hmmm well, that's too bad you think. Your family/friends are not going to be impressed. After all, you were looking for an intellectual match because you worked hard for your great education. You won't be taking too many spontaneous trips to the tropical lands because he's always working. You're clearly not going to move to the penthouse suite with a panoramic view anytime soon. 

Apart from that... you feel the way you always wanted to feel. Being around him lights you on fire. Your entire body is vibrating in a feel-good mode. There's love, passion, and butterflies. Everything you always wanted.

That's the thing about feelings; they nudge you towards what's right and what's wrong. In other words, it's not the goals you're chasing; it's the feelings they will bring you (even if the logistics of your vision aren't matching up. )

A post shared by KRISTINA RAZINSKA✨ (@kristina_razinska) on Sep 18, 2017 at 6:17am PDT

 I used to be so focused on what I wanted that I was blindsided towards how I wanted to feel in the presence of the guy.

You can't plan everything. Life's pretty random. Not everything is meant to work out the way you think you want it. 
Meaning, life may not roll out red carpet under your perfectly pedicured toes. You may not meet someone on the night out when you're all dolled up. In fact, most likely this will happen in the place you least expect ( if you need a visual, you're wearing a hoodie while buying your eggs on a Sunday morning.)

This isn't about settling less for what you damn well deserve. 
This isn't about compromise. If anything, this is about the expanding. Opening yourself to endless possibilities of love, adventure, and fun that's beyond your wildest imagination. Don't think of what you're loosing. Think of what you're gaining. Love. Passion. Butterflies. Future.

xoxo

Kristina

5 Secrets To A Successful First Date

We all have that one friend whose success rate with men quadruples ours.  She's sharp yet sexy. Warm yet distant. And the worse thing- she isn't even trying too hard! Face-to-face conversations, phone calls, texting -  come easy- breezy natural to her. 

What's her secret?

It could be some cosmic energy or her natural talent pulling men towards her. Or she's just fortunate to meet men that happen to be magnetic to her. Either way, she does something many women forget. 

She's been that girl with a racing heart, sweaty hands, and tongue-tied feeling without having an idea what to say next or even how to respond to the simple questions guy asks. She then stepped up her game if she was ever to land a guy she liked. 

If you ever find yourself asking: "Will he call me again?" then one of the following tips could be at hand. 

How do I know?

For the reason that you'll be able to show up as someone sharp yet sexy. Warm yet distant. 

1. You have to be approachable and relatable.

I get it; you already take an excellent care of yourself - frizzy bubble baths, refreshing mint showers, painful wax sessions, expensive perfumes, etc. 

Men are highly visual, and yet, you all dolled up will mean nothing if you two are incompatible to hold an impactful conversation together.

 Because no matter how nicely you wrap yourself up, your efforts will measure up to zero without finding subjects to discuss, share opinions and have fun along the way. 

I hear men continually complaining how boring the girl they went on a date was. I heard expressions like: " beautiful but dull. "

"If I could just hang her on the wall and look at her. "

And then there would be a phrase like this: 

"I didn't feel proud being seen with her. Not to mention-  introduce her to my friends. "
 ( very mean, right?)

I don't mean you have to start watching the news every morning or learn the names of the companies that just went IPO. You don't even need to learn the stock market's fluctuations. You only need to show that you have something to share which will want him to hear and see you more. 

Preferably you've got a sense of humor too, and don't get upset at a joke he makes.  I've seen women that take stuff so personally that instead of laughing or asking for clarification on the joke, they get upset. That is so unnecessary and serves as a significant turnoff to the guy. 

2. Give smiles; they're free.

No one wants to have even a fifteen-minute coffee with a girl that left her smile at home, let alone sit through a three-meal dinner.  World's already too serious. A friendly face can do miracles when it comes to those first dates. 

So let's put on our good mood tiaras and show up all happy and excited about life. This doesn't mean you have to pose and smile non-stop (as if you're so proud of your dentist's work who so spotlessly whitened your teeth. ) This just means you're generous enough to give smiles from time to time, so the guy doesn't mistake you for an emotion-free calculating machine.

3. Have a life.

This is so important, you guys!

Men love to see women that are genuinely in love with their living. You've got talents, interests, hobbies and you're not going to give up your gym membership, girls night out or call in sick so that you could spend more time with the guy. 

If he sees you happy you automatically vibrate on a higher level than those other girls that caught his eye. You energy, aura, whatever you name it- becomes magnetic. This energy makes him want more of you and your time.

 I am not saying you must be perfect. I don't believe in perfect. 
All I am saying is to position yourself in a way that you will be Okay without him too. That you don't need him to make your life exciting. You already have that part figured out. You just want someone to share your fantastic life with! 

Needless to say, men hate the pressure. Any signals of you being clingy, sticky, and bored with yourself will be perceived as red flags.

I hate to say this, but any vibes where you're demanding too much of his attention and time- will be withdrawn from your account. 

I don't mean you need to distract yourself from checking your phone and pretend you too busy so you won't text back the second he does. I'm simply stating that advantage of living in cosmopolitan cities give us an opprtunity to keep ourselves busy nearly 24/7. 
Plus, his heart will pulsate so much faster when you do give him space to miss you. He will then see that you have no interest in taking his life away from him. Instead, he will focus on a value you could potentially add to his. 

4. Men only value things they work for. 

Men love a mental challenge. They love it even more if a woman they're attracted to gives them that trigger.  So don't be shy to challenge him. Even if you hate playing games- just know this one is probably the only game you'll ever need to play if you play your cards right ( just this one time.)

In the early stage of dating, men will always try to push your boundaries and see just how far they can push. Meaning they'll ask for crazy, wild, sometimes even inappropriate things, and see how you respond to their requests. 

They will ask for your '' sexy'' pictures. They'll ask you to join them for a night cup at their place( with an excuse of getting you an Uber home.) And here's the thing - clearly guy wants to have sex with you. However, if by this point you have "hooked" him with your personality, energy or aura, he will not die if you don't send him that picture. He will not give up on you if you don't go home with him first few times, I promise! If he vanishes right after that, that's the red flag to you. Meaning...he wasn't that much into you in a first place. 

This is all to say, more time he is willing to invest in you, the grander chance of him being head over heels for you. Isn't this the goal after all?

5. Be authentic. 

For a sake to be liked in first few dates we often play a bit pretending to be something we are not. ( By the way, men do the same.) It's understandable we want to leave good first impressions, appear cool so to speak. 
I don't think there is a need to fake anything as it will filter through sooner or later. 
 

If you take anything from this post then is this -  be yourself. There's the only one of a kind you on this planet. Don't be afraid to be a bit raw, vulnerable and most importantly- original. 

I may know next to nothing about you, but I am pretty sure that
" the right" man will wholeheartedly fall in love with that something special that only you have.

xoxo

Kristina

Why changing your Life Goals is a Good Idea

In today's world, you are suffocating in choices either you want it or not. You become the magnet for so many possibilities the second you leave your doorstep. 

You see, hear or get to know something inspiring every single day. And if so- why remain the same? Why hold on to the ideas that no longer speak to your soul? Be it a job you should take or a guy you should date. 

It's one of those moments when you stand in the wildly jam-packed intersection- trying not to spill your skinny cappuccino or trip in those strappy shoes, you stop. You check your phone. You've got 15 seconds to be exact, to check all those blinking, buzzing notifications until the red signal turns back to a green again. You start walking again.
 

 And then...there's this bittersweet thought pulling you towards the wannabe land of sparkles, magic and everything dreamy as you scroll down that Insta feed for the third time today. Desire, jealousy or inspiration creeps in. 

Few caffeine sips later you wish you were having tequila, limes and good times. Laying down on a white sanded beach wearing the sexiest bikini you own next to the tanned man of your dreams. 

Do you feel me on that?

You have this idea of the picture-perfect life. However blurred around the edges this picture may be, you wish for a second it could be yours. 

And then you catch yourself thinking - " there has to be something more than this." Because you don't want your life to become a script you no longer want to follow.

You don't have to put a stamp on our life. You just have to be open-minded enough to breathe in the inspiration wherever it may come from and don't be afraid to see where it leads.

And as we do that, we progress, we sync with an ever-changing world and life becomes easier, happier place to live.  That's the goal after all, right?

Snow White moments

Once upon a time, there was a little girl that couldn’t wait to slip into her mom’s high heeled shoes, powder the nose, and paint her nails in the color of the rainbow. She had big hopes and dreams for years ahead. She dreamt of faraway tropical lands, fine-looking life, and a Prince Charming to save her from any trouble she may encounter. 

And then she grew up and got breakouts and blackheads. Suddenly, her whole world seemed turning upside down when her hopes and dreams were still out of reach. 

Is it ever going to happen? Or was it a one of those fake, hard to get, impossible to achieve dreams in the first place? Have we been fooled so hard that now we are scared for life in search of something doesn’t even exist?

It seems we are always looking for that one thing to complete us.  Waiting for someone to change – be it your partner, your boss, your mom, you. Expecting to be happy. Waiting for the right job, the right opportunity, right moment, enough money to do things that our hearts crave the most. 

How long have you been waiting for perfect timing, right career move, right lover, that phone call, that answer, that inspiration, or proper diet just to show up?

Aren’t you exhausted from waiting?

I started to think that what if things we are waiting for will never show up? Would Snow White be still asleep for another 100 years? Or would she have danced out of her prison of sleep, gotten a haircut and moved on to conquer the world? 

I couldn’t help but wonder. How come we are always searching, dreaming, dating, leaving or getting desperate over relationships we have with men, jobs, friends, and life in general.

Are we the new generation of the Sex and the City girls? Just in this time of history, it’s entirely Okay to be wild, experimental, hangover, and always on to the next thing?

xoxo

Kristina